I forget


I forget that i should live in the present life

I forget that no one has the same ability and capability

I forget that no one has the same problem

I forget that i should fear not about the future

I forget that i should learn from my past and not fascinating with the stories

I forget how to move on 

I forget about my blessings

I forget that i responsible for my own life’s 

To be happy or to be sad

To be wealth or to be poor

To be health or to be sick

To be single or to be married

I forget that i always surrounded by amazing and lovely people 


I forget to run this life to the fullest 


The Ring


Yes i do

Yes i do

Yes, i never don’t love you, dear

Yes, i’m so happy. I’m wearing this ring, finally. I’m waiting for a long time to finally wear this ring. Not officially an engagement or wedding ring, but, it’s like the sign that i’m tying a knot with someone, no longer in a time.

He’s here with you, right now. He’s a charming guy, a little bit shy and not showing his passion and feeling to you. He’s just cute for you, but you like him a lot. 

At first he will not showing his affection to you and i feel he’s unavailable right now. I mean he has someone or someone is still in his heart. But that’s okay, as i told you, he will not showing his affection first to you. Chill out and enjoy the process. 

He might not be yours now, but eventually he will. Be patient with the process, it will come to you in a short time.

Go… he’s waiting for you

Go get him if it will make you smile

I like the season of love birds will come soon

Good luck my dear

Love you always,

Your trully friend





Yes with all my heart

Yes, I love you with all my heart

Always love you

This is your mama speaking for you, Catharina. Don’t be sad. Life may not be fair for you. I know how you struggle to live in those days. Your exile to France and change your name into Catherine. 

You sat in the edge of Rhine River. Thinking about the good days in your beloved country, our beloved country, Russia. My memory also lives in Russia, our old Russia. But, we have to live not as a Russian. I know how do you feel about it. You love Russia si much. The pain and feeling about those days is drained your energy, my child.

Just live in peace, my dear. Forget about all of those days. Forget about all the pain they gave to you, Catharina. Mama loves you always, remember that. And i’m sorry i can’t be in your side when you have to live alone, whether you are in the street or even when Nana take you to live with her. 

Nana was a nice woman, you know about it, but Nana also lose her family because of the revolution. Remember this smell, the fresh meat stuffed bread, Pirozh. You love it a lot. 

Catharina, don’t be sad

Catharina, Mama loves you.

Wipe your tears, Mama is here now to take you to be with me

I’m sorry Catharina, for abandoning you, the revolution.

Come with me Catharina. Mama loves you.

Please forgive her, Catharina is with me now

∞  ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ 

Astrid and Karel


I was Astrid, my mother was from Denmark.

I was Karel from Belgium. Karel was my dutch name taken from my father’s side.

We met in year 1920 and six years later, we were married. But then, i got killed by car accident, you were the driver. Luckily you were saved from the accident. I died at young age, 29.

Now we meet, because we have an unfinished business. A revenge. Battle of love and loyalty.

A crown over a crown (2)


I’m willing to put down my crown over my head just to be with you, endlessly. A bright future of life that universe gives to us is a blessing over the time

I’m willing to put down my crown to obey you as my beloved one. I’m willing to abdicate my throne just to be with you and i’m willing to release all my power over you

A crown over a crown, my symbolic life of a powerful life that he gave to me. A crown over a crown that i thought i would not put it down or pass it down to my decendant. A crown over a crown is my dignity, my identity and my pride, that i’m willing to let it go. Ignorance, perhaps, will replace my existance

A crown over a crown, you’re just a history now



He is your beloved lover. Old times. You were together as one, inseparable.

Love is in the air, the love birds. Love freedom, love to be free, you and i will always be together. From now on, then, forever will always be together.

Love, love, love is all about love.

It’s about our love that will never end, and our fire, the fire ball which is dwelling in me, will be shine when we meet once again. The ball that i give to you as a mark that you are my twin flame, my other half, my beloved one, and our love will always shine and bright as we are one.

It’s all about love, and love, and love, love is in the air. I’m happy that we will reunite and be together as we were before and our love will never die and fade out, because our love is strong and will conquer the world. Love.

I love you, Deviyani

A Lady in Waiting


A father figure. He can be your husband, father and friend. What you are dreaming of, will be come true.

He’s not too handsome and chubby, but you love him a lot, like he’s the only one. But, actually you will have two. Two lovers who loves you unconditionally, they are willing to sacrife their lives for you.

As you are turn into a fine and good lady. Just like a lady in waiting, you keep yourself as a lady in waiting, so you will fight and win his heart and you happy with it.

Keep on trying and fighting! Love is worth to fight!

Sincerely Your Dad


Don’t have to be sad!

As your body and soul still in the place, your love will still remain, can’t be change but can be healed. Heal yourself like you heal others. Remember, you are a healer. You asked for it, so, this is one of the disadvantage, you can see your patient weaker day by day.


Don’t worry, everything is paid off once everything is done/finished. You embrace all the thing in the right place and time. You may not understand by now, but eventually by then.

Don’t worry my child, you are not alone, believe me (smile). You are powerful and strong, no one ever been in your place, no comparison.


Your dad (smile)

June 20th, 2016

From Nubia to China


We met in Nubia, 109 A.D, i’m a scholar priestess of Isis Temple. But no match with the Highly Priestess as she’s the chosen one to run the temple by herself. She’s not selfish, but she’s just doing what the Higher Being told her to do. Even she sacrifices her life to be a faithful servant of Isis in the Isis Temple, Nubia. And so, i resign myself because i have no chance to learn much as a priestess in Nubia. I traveled a lot, until i came in somewhere in China and i met someone there that i knew i am match with her, like a twin soul.

She’s a gentle and feminine woman figure. Her skin is so soft and white as a blooming flower. She was standing under a blooming white and pink flower tree. White of snow, pink when the flower begin to bloom. She’s 18 years old, waiting for her lover to come, her family – her father and her beloved brother -, if it’s not her brother, she would be his wife, but the creator told her not to do it as her wish to be a fair lady of the family. The royal kingdom, Tsai Qi, always looking for her. He came to her house and asking her father, if he wants to marry her, but she doesn’t want to. He’s just a bloody bastard, who is luckily to be a royal born. One day, the royal warriors came to her house, the commander said that she has something to hiding inside, that the kingdom, Emperor looking for it. She said, “it’s my body, i don’t want to give my body to someone that i didn’t know”, therefore she ran away with her brother through behind the hills, and wish to hide there until they go. But, her father came home, ridding her rigid brown horse. They took his life because he couldn’t tell them where to find or what is hiding within her. And there she was witnessing the death of her father. Then she become a monk, and release herself from this world and start to come to his world and become a bodhisattva.

Our meeting is not as much as i thought, she never moves from the tree. It’s like the tree is her charger and the tree took her energy to become a powerful tree among other trees. I’m waiting here with her, besides her, waiting her to completely conscious, but she’s never conscious. Until one day i decided to pray like she did. I put my carrier back on the ground, and start to close my eyes and be calm until i can’t hear anybody else and the other sounds. So calm, until i realize that it’s almost a year, i don’t eat, i don’t drink and i feel like i’m just sleeping with calmness of the nature and sounds of the wind. I feel more energized and ready to continue my travel. I never meet her in a person but we speak thru our heart and mind. She’s mindfulness and she never moves from that tree until someone find her stiffed, just like the tree. She has reached her fulfillment and she’s complete.

So, i’m ready to find my own mindfulness thru time and space. But, then i found myself, can’t be a priestess. I don’t find myself fit with it. So, i decided to become a princess in every of my lives. And i keep my knowledge as a priestess, the magic and so on to help me through the time. Nonetheless i never fit to be a priestess.

June 10th, 2016