Monthly Archives: October 2016

Dear Astrid


Dear Astrid,

Now i know why you gave me these “heat sensation” on my body everytime i met him. You are right, it’s about a revenge. Battle of love and loyalty. It feels like i want to slap and punch him on his face and say, “you are such a bloody jerk”. How can you’re doing the same thing like you were used to be. 

You were angry with Karel. Because he was unfaithful with you, he had so many mistresses out there without any commitment with them, but he was still loved you and didn’t want to lose you because you were his Queen. 

And then, that was the last day of your togetherness, was a happy day and ended up with your tragic death. A car accident. He’s saved and you were not.

Dear Astrid,

Please forgive him for what he had  done. I believe that you are willing to forgive him, and i believe he will reach his conciousness before the time. He’s just in his own mind and thought now, he’s not living in the present time, still in his past life. We’re still have one and a half month to make him realize that he should change.

I’m willing to help you, so please help me too

I love you Astrid


Princess Nanyang


I saw my mother with her unique hair and hairdresser, walking from her palace to my residence, along with her maids.

My maid was calling me from the outter of residence wall, “Princess Nanyang… Princess Nanyang”, when my mother was getting closer to my residence. In my concious, i was wandering, “was it Nanyang or Nuanyang or huanyang?” but i kept on hearing “Nanyang…Nanyang…Princess Nanyang”. 

Then i saw, i was dress up in local/public costume with my husband. We used to riding a horse together. He was a warrior, something like that. When he died, i lifted up his body up and cremated him. I was walking on the sacred place, where i saw my ancestor and husband name on the plates.

It could be my past, her story just same as my other past lives. My biggest grieved was my husband death. The loss of my love and my life.

I forget


I forget that i should live in the present life

I forget that no one has the same ability and capability

I forget that no one has the same problem

I forget that i should fear not about the future

I forget that i should learn from my past and not fascinating with the stories

I forget how to move on 

I forget about my blessings

I forget that i responsible for my own life’s 

To be happy or to be sad

To be wealth or to be poor

To be health or to be sick

To be single or to be married

I forget that i always surrounded by amazing and lovely people 


I forget to run this life to the fullest 

The Ring


Yes i do

Yes i do

Yes, i never don’t love you, dear

Yes, i’m so happy. I’m wearing this ring, finally. I’m waiting for a long time to finally wear this ring. Not officially an engagement or wedding ring, but, it’s like the sign that i’m tying a knot with someone, no longer in a time.

He’s here with you, right now. He’s a charming guy, a little bit shy and not showing his passion and feeling to you. He’s just cute for you, but you like him a lot. 

At first he will not showing his affection to you and i feel he’s unavailable right now. I mean he has someone or someone is still in his heart. But that’s okay, as i told you, he will not showing his affection first to you. Chill out and enjoy the process. 

He might not be yours now, but eventually he will. Be patient with the process, it will come to you in a short time.

Go… he’s waiting for you

Go get him if it will make you smile

I like the season of love birds will come soon

Good luck my dear

Love you always,

Your trully friend





Yes with all my heart

Yes, I love you with all my heart

Always love you

This is your mama speaking for you, Catharina. Don’t be sad. Life may not be fair for you. I know how you struggle to live in those days. Your exile to France and change your name into Catherine. 

You sat in the edge of Rhine River. Thinking about the good days in your beloved country, our beloved country, Russia. My memory also lives in Russia, our old Russia. But, we have to live not as a Russian. I know how do you feel about it. You love Russia si much. The pain and feeling about those days is drained your energy, my child.

Just live in peace, my dear. Forget about all of those days. Forget about all the pain they gave to you, Catharina. Mama loves you always, remember that. And i’m sorry i can’t be in your side when you have to live alone, whether you are in the street or even when Nana take you to live with her. 

Nana was a nice woman, you know about it, but Nana also lose her family because of the revolution. Remember this smell, the fresh meat stuffed bread, Pirozh. You love it a lot. 

Catharina, don’t be sad

Catharina, Mama loves you.

Wipe your tears, Mama is here now to take you to be with me

I’m sorry Catharina, for abandoning you, the revolution.

Come with me Catharina. Mama loves you.

Please forgive her, Catharina is with me now

∞  ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ 

Astrid and Karel


I was Astrid, my mother was from Denmark.

I was Karel from Belgium. Karel was my dutch name taken from my father’s side.

We met in year 1920 and six years later, we were married. But then, i got killed by car accident, you were the driver. Luckily you were saved from the accident. I died at young age, 29.

Now we meet, because we have an unfinished business. A revenge. Battle of love and loyalty.